Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
