smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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