Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?