You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
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I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.