Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No stitches, just platelets and will power
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is