you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.