It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil