My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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