Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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