I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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