you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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