I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
