I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just cropdusted the office
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drunk is not a location!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
