Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
