were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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