I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
