That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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