his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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