Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
