My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
