The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
