You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
is it fun? or sober?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize