wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
