Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
