Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
