Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
