i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
