i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
