hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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