And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
