i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't deserve a penis
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
