There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
