You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
