My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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