covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
