The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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