i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
