Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had to cum in my sink.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
