the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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