She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
