i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
