I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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