margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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