He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
