Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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