I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
