If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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