Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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