my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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