Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so explain again why im purple
no
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
