just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
