You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
