my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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