I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
