but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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