sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
