Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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