the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
