I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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