Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
