so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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