Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
