So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
