btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
