to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
