she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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