and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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