I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
