I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
