She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
