oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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