Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
