I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
