Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
