So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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