I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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