Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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