Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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