I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Small penises have feelings too.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
