Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
