fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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