This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
