Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
