I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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