The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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