why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
