I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
