im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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