He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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